Words vs Actions

So we've all been told, and probably told others, that actions speak louder than words.
Now, I still agree with the spirit and intention of that phrase.  It is intended to speak those who would say they love God but act otherwise.
But, I've had a really weird couple of weeks.  What about us whose actions show love for God, but our words do not?  I wouldn't have thought this possible until this season of my life.  And, do we still think actions speak louder than words?  As one who has recently hurt and been hurt by this exact situation, I don't anymore.  I'm also not sure that is what the Bible teaches either.
James 1:26:  If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.
James is pretty harsh.  Most of us consider ourselves and other religious by actions.  James says all those action become WORTHLESS if we aren't controlling what we say and how we say it. James isn't done on this topic (which is actually reassuring, it's not a new problem we've made here).
James 3:8-11

but no man can tame the tongue.  It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.  out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers, this should not be.  Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?

Not the most encouraging passage.  But the letter continues to talk about wisdom, and not harboring bitterness or envy.  James seems to be getting to the point that our words pour out of where ever our hearts are, regardless of whatever filter our minds put on our words.  If we let ourselves thrive on anger, jealousy, and control, our words will overcome any action, honest or not, to know God.
I don't really have an answer to the problem.  It is really easy to say stop being this in your heart so your words will be this.  It is a completely different matter to actually do that.  What I do know is this.  Our words are hurting each other, and deeply.  Our good works that are supposed to point others to our Father in Heaven are being drowned about by the script we're writing.  We have to come to a place to be healed in our hearts, only then will our words be healing for others, instead of weapons.